earlier tonight i was starving for stimulation. for one reason or another, i was feeling very under-stimulated and bored. i unpacked my bags, started laundry, returned most of the phone calls from the weekend, and started to write a letter and still found myself longing for stimulation. then the phone rang... and it was an old friend whom i had not spoken with for over a year. if you had known me three years ago, you would have known that this friend meant the world to me and that he understood me, my world and my state of mind better than anyone else in life. but it got to the point that we could not have other relationships without sacrificing the relationship that we had built with one another. i don't know if that makes sense to anyone, but the bottom line is that the friendship that we had was special and as the best things in life tend to do, it ended abruptly and we didn't speak for over a year.

what do you say to the person who stole part of your heart and didn't offer it back until after you had replaced the missing piece with something else - with other experiences, with different types of love. i realized when we were trying to talk, that what he had to give back no longer fit the way that it had. and then... i definitely felt stimulated. sad. relieved. proud that i kept my marbles together. sad that i had forgotten what it felt like to feel so many emotions at once. disappointed that i got to this state and lonely because i am in this position, missing a friendship that once brought me so much life.

overall, though, i feel content with the state of things and the progress that was made by simply speaking and listening - as two of my favorite sayings go, "love conquers all," and "time will do the talking." thank goodness for that.